The Special Protective Eyewear Cylindrical System, as part of the Land Warrior concept, 2001, DARPA. Or so every staff noncommissioned officer with a raging high and tight would have you believe. There’s only one problem with Pit Viper’s glasses: They’re out of regs. This is particularly true among younger service members, the zoomer demographic that Pit Viper specifically targets. With slogans like “the 69th most popular sunglasses brand, according to your mom” and “put your face between a pair,” they’re basically telling their customers “go fuck yourself, buy our product,” and it seems to have worked out hilariously well for them. Featuring mulleted, scantily clad men, sometimes-mulleted scantily clad women, fully dressed men and women with mullets - lots of mullets - as well as dogs, babies, farm animals, and mannequins, all wearing what could be described as the douchiest glasses known to humanity. The entire marketing strategy of Pit Viper is designed to be raunchy, provocative, and hilarious in every way possible. In the military, the term for this is “belligerent.” Apparently, I have a reputation for belligerence, because roughly 50 people tagged me in the announcement posts on various social media platforms for the Pit Viper “BALL-ISTIC” line of military-themed eyewear. The entire purpose of Pit Vipers, at least from my experience, is to get people to ask why you have a rainbow-colored car windshield on your face, or if Macho Man Randy Savage wants his glasses back. Pit Viper sunglasses fall into an interesting category of accessories that I like to call “memewear,” meaning stuff you wear to make a point. We may earn revenue from the products available on this page and participate in affiliate programs.
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